Taking for granted

Figured I should start to write more in here. Was happy to see a few readers and even took the time to place their comments. Thank all of you out there for reading.

My Mum used to say, "Don't take things for granted". Back then, every time I hear this from her, I always thought that she said it just to get my ass moving, so that I can get onto doing what I'm 'supposed' to be doing. I guess it has something to do with "Initiative". Especially if we are in the general work-force, this is the kind of word that your bosses would love to see/know that you incorporate into your working attitude.

Now...the question is, how far should we go with that initiative attitude? Because, there is also a contradicting theory to this, that you may be doing 'too much' or 'over-doing'. So, how and where do we actually draw the line? Being a graduate from an engineering major, I tend to visualize this argument to be a linear meter, whereby "Initiative" and "Time for self" are two extreme opposites.

Time for self ------------------------------------------------------- Initiative

I find that the more you lean towards either side, you will lose more of the other. My old folks used to say, "Work hard now, and you shall reap the fruits of your efforts in future". How true can that be? Sometimes I find that if you work 'too hard', you may even let your life go pass you without even noticing it. Is that worth it? Another popular clause for this I want to share here is:
"Work to live or live to work?". In the first two decades of my life, I have put every effort I could to my studies and now that I'm slightly older, I realize that I have missed a lot of fun things that I would have done if I made time for it.

Is it ever too late to 'catch up' now or is it much more important now for me to push it further to the "Initiative" end? Most would say that a man at my age should be pushing towards the "Initiative" end because this is just the beginning of my man-hood. Ok, let's say I buy that. Give it another 10 years down the road...would I look back, see the fun things that I missed....yet again...and wish that I have did otherwise?

Let's make an assumption that this so-called 10-year cycle keep repeating and I do make the same choices all the way. Now, that would end up with me missing so many things in life right? Ok, now all of you philosophy doctorates out there might be gunning to say "There are sacrifices to be made in life and the things that you gain depends on what you give in." Yeah, I know that. All I'm saying is that I'm still looking for the 'comfortable' position on this hypothetical Initiative meter, and up till now, I still think I'm far from comfortable.

If you're looking for a conclusion to this, I don't have it and I guess I won't have it :) Like every one else, I'm just another imperfect human. Thanks for reading!

Long time friends

Do you have friends that you known for over 10 years and still keep in touch? Think about this. You've known A for over 10 years and you've also maintained constant contact with A. But now you slowly realize that A is taking you for granted. A does things that betrays you in the context of friendship, say things that hurt you, and after all that shit, even expects kindness and respect from you.

Situations like these always make me feel there is much tension in the thin air, and it's up to me whether to break it or not. But there I was, staring at this long time friend, thinking, should I just risk losing the friendship by letting out my true feelings and thoughts? Or should I be the so-called 'matured' party and forget all his uncalled for acts and words?

Question is, how long can I withstand this? Am I obligated to withstand A's misbehaviours? Why should I let myself be taken for granted? And for what? A friendship that doesn't seem to be important to A at all? Why do they always have to talk in a way that it would start a fight if I talk back? What are they thinking? So, they knew we won't talk back and that makes them feel confident in talking down at me? And by talking me down, makes him feel superior so he can continue with his daily life? Wtf???!!!!

To me, is it more important to continue letting A do that to me and feel miserable myself? Or, relief myself of misery by giving the truth to A? Over 10 years is not easy, and I am lucky enough to even have friends that I have known so long. Sometimes it makes me wonder if A cares at all when A says/does the things that hurts ppl.

Movie: Any Given Sunday

While ironing clothes, I grabbed a DVD (Any Given Sunday) from the rack and decided to watch it again (I think I've watched it over 10 times now). The themes or so-called mottos in that movie reminded me of something. In every day of our lives, we either win or lose, it's just life. The important thing is, whether you can lose like a man. There is a quote that I would like to share here:

"When a man looks back into his life, he not only looks at the glories, good times, money, women, etc...There will be a time when you are left with nothing but just yourself. If you do not learn how to deal with that, you't ain't a man, you're just another punk."

Movie: 8 mile

Rewatched 8 mile. Didn't realize it was already 5 years ago since the movie was released. It's a very inspirational movie for me. Reminds you to fight for yourself when it matters and never be ashamed or afraid for being who you truly are. And the best motto in the movie that I like is: "The best way to do things is to do it on your own". Always stand up for yourself!

Eminem was pretty good in the movie even if it was his debut film. At least you don't see him 'choke' up in the movie like Jay Chou did in Initial D :) My favourite line from the movie (by Eminem's character) was, quote:
"Have you ever wanted to just say 'Fuck It', stop living right here, and start living right here..."

80th Birthday

It's my grandma's 80th birthday today. We had a family dinner in Petaling Jaya. It was great seeing all my uncles and aunts, cousins (one of them came back from Australia too). I felt great to be around them tonight. Only thing missing was my Mum. In the midst of dinner, I was imagining her to be sitting right next to me.

Turns out that Streamyx is getting fucked up again. Connection's fucking bad tonight. No raids, no nothing.

First post

Ok, this would be first ever post. While I was sleeping last night, I somehow dreamt of documenting whatever human imperfections that I can think of. Just to make a list of them and share them with the rest of the world. Mostly, they are things that most of us realize, but never dare admit it to others because we think that it may project an image that you suck! It's always living up to someone's standards, to fit in, to blend in, to live... I mean, so what we're fucked up. So, in this blog I'll try to lay down whatever things that I think I'm fucked up about :P Call that venting if you want.